Oh! Captive Bound and Double-Ironed

Happy Belated Birthday to Charles Dickens

By Christmas, we were broke and frightened:
We prayed for nobody to notice
That we wore last year’s light-up sweaters.

By Christmas, we were hot and bothered:
To verify that we were walking,
We had the wails of those we trampled

By Christmas, we were tired and testy:
We grumbled when they said, “Good morning!”,
And turned our backs on their red buckets.

By Christmas, we were cold and lonely:
We figured if we simply burrowed,
We’d hardly notice all the parties.

By Christmas, we were in our kerchiefs:
We’d long since given up on Father,
So we just quarreled over fruitcake.

By Christmas, we were Wooden Soldiers:
We conscientiously objected
When Santa tried to activate us.

Next Christmas, we’ll be Jacob Marley:
Our grubby pocketfuls of shillings
Will have become completely useless.

Next Christmas, we’ll be Jacob Marley:
If you don’t want to be accosted
You better send your clerk a turkey.

Next Christmas, we’ll be Jacob Marley:
Oh! Captive, bound and double-ironed,
If you can sleep through this, you’re finished.